The Trouble with Acronyms
by Hitokimi
Summary: A collection of One-shots based around the fun Seph,the Turks and the rest of the gang get into when they to get caught up in the trouble of Acronyms.
1. PENIS

Normal disclaimer. Not mine, don't sue. And blame the wild rabid plot bunnies.  
>Rated M for no other reason then the Title.<p>

P.E.N.I.S

Sitting off to the fair side of the training yard, the raven haired First had a perfect view of the group currently making use of the training yard. He could each time the line of 25 went down, paused, and then bounce back up like a line of springs.

He remembered doing this, and still for the life of him still couldn't understand WHY. I mean he knew why He did it, but why a bunch of new Cadets? Cocking his head he caught sight of a smaller group of 3rds and 2nds by the look of the dark blue and purple uniforms pointing and shaking their heads while another took down something a small book and gil exchanged hands.

Oh yah. That's why the Drill Sergeants did it. It had become an Unofficial SOLDIER betting pool to see how long the Greens would follow orders..even ones that didn't make sense at first.

A small shiver went up his spine and he smirked knowing who it was approaching his location without having to turn around. Cocking his head and flashing a smile the First wasn't surprised to catch a flash of gun metal silver hair, and looking further up a pair of green eyes the color of green Materia.

" Oh, Hey Seph. What's up?"

The silver General.. Demon of Wutai and Bane of President ShinRa's rosy white ass stood with a arched eyebrow as he looked between his laze-about Second in Command, and the group of cadets currently doing their best impressions of bouncy balls. " Why are you here, and not finishing your paperwork?"

The raven knowing he could have a little fun with his Best Friend and General, schooled his features into a serious expression and turned to look out back over the drill yard. " I'm watching the PENIS. "

Sharp green eyes blink once, unsure he had correctly heard his SiC. Zack was.. watching WHAT? " You're What?"

" I'm watching the PENIS." Zack kept his laughter to himself, his face and body still held in that completely stillness that meant he was dead serious. He even made sure to keep his mirth out of his voice making it sound flat and monotone.

Knowing that yes in fact he had heard the raven First correctly, the Silver General couldn't stop himself from sighing and reaching up, head slightly bowed to pinch the narrow bridge of his nose right between the eyes-already feeling the headache coming on.

Counting to himself slowly he had to remind himself that NO, he could not infact kick the puppy all the way back to their Office. " Zackary. "

Nonpaused the First continued, " Oh come on Seph- you and I both know this is total PENIS. " Shaking his head the First rolled up to his feet and dusted himself off, grinning a bit he clapped the man standing at his side on the shoulder before turning and linking his hands behind his head started to head back towards the Tower. " See yah Seph. Gotta go, and finish some paperwork."

Still rooted to the spot the General couldn't believe what had just happened, still lost in thought he almost missed the person walking up to him. " You know, he's completely right. " Blinking once the Silver General turned towards the voice, not surprised to see the Director of the Turks there. " This really is a PENIS."

Gaia.. not.. Tseng to. Not bothering to keep the look off his face he shot a long look at the Turk. " I fail to see how a group of cadets resembles…a phallus.

Turning to look up at the man beside him Tseng gave the General a long leveled look. How could this man have spent half his life in the Military and not pick up some of the slang? " General. Do you know what PENIS is?"

" The Male reproductive organ? " What else could a penis be?

Lips quirking up the Turk Director just shook his head and made to continue his walk, pausing however he gave a last look at the group of boys. Many having stopped-bent over trying to catch their breaths others still doing the in place bouncing that would later come in handy as a Soldier. Shaking his head once more he left the still confused General chuckling to himself. Someone would no doubt explain it later.

* Notes. PENIS = pointless exercise not involving Soldiers.


	2. LOST

Normal disclaimer. Not mine, don't sue. And blame the wild rabid plot bunnies.  
>Rated M for no other reason then the Titles.<p>

L.O.S.T

Two Hours.

Reno was two hours late checking in. Not 2 minutes, not 2 seconds. But 2 dam hours.

Sitting at his desk the Director of the Turks sat waiting. He'd sent Reno out almost 5 hours ago to check on a simple errand. The red head was supposed to have called in 2 hours ago to report what he'd found. He was refusing to glance at the small clock perched at the corner of his desk for the sixth time in less than 5 minutes.

Instead he'd turned his entire focus on the rather innocent looking radio, sending a silent death threat to the red head at the other end. So focused on the radio, it came with a startled jerk when the thing let loose with a loud crackle of static feedback. Recovering a second later he grabbed up the radio pushing down on the talk button.

"Reno. Report!"

Depressing the button he now stood leaning against the edge of his desk waiting for an answer. It took several seconds before the returning static cleared up enough for him to make out what Reno was saying. And even when he did, he still wouldn't believe it.

"Repeat last communication."

" I said LOST yo."

Lost…..one of his Best Turks… was.. lost on a simple errand under the plate? How in Gaia's name was that even fucking possible. A rookie he could understand, but.. RENO?

" Lost…. You're, lost?"

" It's what I said yo. "

Bringing a hand up the black haired Turk covered his face and counted back from 10. Breathing in once he slowly let the held in air out through his nose, ignoring the starting pound behind his eyes. He was going to need a LONG drink after this.

" Reno. Let me get this straight. You're lost. "

" Yes, yo. Dam how many times do I hav'ta repeat it?"

" Reno, you're a Turk. How in Gaia's name did you, of all people, get Lost!"

Well aware he'd raised his voice loud enough to carry he kept his eyes closed, lightly resting the radio's antenna against his forehead-reminding himself to stay calm.

" I'm not lost yo. "

The hand around the radio flexed the plastic creaking under the pressure as Tseng tightened his fingers around it. The mental image of strangling the red head foremost in his mind. Knowing he couldn't keep the edge from his voice any longer, the Turk didn't even try. " You, JUST SAID YOU WERE LOST!"

" No shit yo. I know I'm LOST."

The loud crash that followed those words drew the attention of the bald Turk sitting in the next room over. The once semi-tinted glass window, that served as a wall between The Directors office and that of his Second in Command; was gone. Leaning a little further back in his chair he could see the now smokey colored glass littering the floor.

Blinking once the bald Turk canted his head glancing over the top rim of his glasses to watch as his Boss sat at his desk…hitting his head against the surface. Quickly going back to his computer and continuing his report the bald Turk couldn't help but smirk.

Looked like Reno had won the bet, and drinks were on him tonight.

*Note. L.O.S.T= Looking Over Strange Terrain. 


	3. DICK

Normal disclaimer. Not mine, don't sue. And blame the wild rabid plot bunnies.  
>Rated M for no other reason then the Titles.<br>And for Lord Shinta. Who you can blame for this chapters title.

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><p>D.I.C.K<p>

Two of the best things that stood out about the SOLDIER chow hall were this:

One: The Food. ShinRa knew how to keep their elite fighters well fed.  
>Two: The noise.. Or lack of noise as most Soldiers could hear perfectly fine at even a soft whisper.<p>

It was an unspoken refuge for many of those above Third Class. Thirds had their own section of the mess that catered to young boys adjusting to sudden hyper senses, enhanced strength, and increased speed of motion. Leaving the main body of the hall to Seconds and Firsts, who were expected by then to have enough control not to cause unwanted collateral damage.

And this just so happened where one Commander Angeal Hewley could be found when he wasn't busy on missions, training, or standing in as an Instructor for the seasoned Cadet classes.

Sitting at one of the near tables enjoying a cup of his coffee, the dark haired First couldn't help but feel something was…missing, but for the life of him couldn't place what. Closeting his eyes and sitting back the large First ran a mental checklist.

Sephiroth was out with a small group of Seconds trudging through the Marshs culling the local Zolom population. The large snakes had gone through a boom recently making crossing the marsh even on Chocobo dangerous.

Then there was Genesis, who was currently refusing to even leave his apartment today. And really Angeal couldn't blame him, that last batch of Mako injections had hurt like nothing else, and the lingering migraines had been bad enough to make even Him want to curl up and die.

That left Zack…Ah. That would explain the continued feeling of silence. Speaking of the puppy….The First sighed and opened his eyes staring down into the his cup of liquid heaven before he gave a mental count down.

5…4..3..2..1. Queue Puppy.

" ANGEAL! "

Wincing the First couldn't stop the slight flinch as he resigned himself to his fate and looked up in time to see his student come jogging up, a new Third in tow. Nodding to the two in turn he greeted them both " Zack…Strife. "

" Sir. " The two nodded back before sitting, Zack choosing to sprawl half in his chair and half across the table. Angeal knew Zack either wanted something or, he was trying to get out of doing something. He would just have to wait it out.

Going back to his coffee, it didn't take more than a few sips before, the black haired Second opened his mouth. Only a little surprised he wasn't the one being talked to, it seemed he and Strife had been talking before joining his table and Zack felt like continuing it.

" You know, I bet that new batch of Greenies right now must really be hating life. I mean talk about your ' Welcome to ShinRa." The raven Second snorted. Coming from a mostly tropical climate, the mid-summer heat and humidity in Midgar was a walk in the park. But he could still understand. And if standing around in a hot yard wasn't enough,.he was sure he'd spotted a familiar Red figure coming out of one of the training rooms as he and Cloud had hit the Chow Hall.

" So it's true then. Commander Rhapsodos.. really is…"

" A DICK, Yah. " Zack chimed in, the answer coming just as the First lifted his cup for a drink. The answer, catching the Black Commander by surprise, and directly causing the large First to choke on his coffee. Sputtering and trying to clear his lungs of the scalding liquid, the First sent a look towards his student. " Zack.."

Zack blinked and turned to look at the disproving expression on his Mentors face. And knowing the lecture was just a breath away decided to head it off. " Oh come on Angeal, you know Genesis is a DICK. He delights in it, even Seph isn't as big a DICK as Genesis is. "

Setting his cup down the First sat back and continued to level a long look at his Student. While he'd known the man the longest, and yes.. could admit to his Friend having several more personal quarks then most, he could not allow his student to get away with disrespecting a superior officer. Even if… privately he agreed with both boys. Genesis could at times be a dick.

About to open his mouth and give both boys advice on respecting not only your elders but superior officers, he was cut off when the door across the mess hall where flung open with enough force to send the heavy metal doors into the adjacent wall, the crash causing the First to flinch as the noise echoed.

Ears still ringing he watched as one of the Drill Sergeants in charge of green recruits came panting up towards the table and, leaning against it half pointed back towards the way he'd come. " Sir.. you have to come. Now. It's..Commander Rhapsodos Sir. He's….."

Watching the Sargent pause to catch his breath and seeing the panic in the young man's eyes, Angeal had a rather sinking feeling. If Genesis was out of his apartment, and still feeling the after effects of his injections, anything was likely to set his friends flash temper off.

" He's.. what, Sargent. "

" He's…currently in the reception yard chasing the new…recruits with fire….balls….sir. "

Blinking once, the First stood up nearly flying out of his chair as he scrambled to move around the table. He knew he shouldn't have left Genesis alone today.

Both Zack and Cloud continued to sit at the table, long after Angeal had shot out of the mess hall the Sargent hot on the First's heels. The pair debating if they should follow before Zack shrugged and stood, the blond following suit. Cloud with his hands shoved into his pocket, and Zack hands linked behind his head.

" See.. I told you. He's a DICK."

" Yah…"

The chow hall was left with the pairs ringing laughter as both boys went to see if Angeal needed help in reining in the wild Red Commander.

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><p>*Note. D.I.C.K = Dedicated Infantry Cadet Killer. Or Dedicated Infantry Combat Killer.<br>I'm sure most of you have guessed I went with the first one for this story.


	4. SHIT

Normal disclaimer. Not mine, don't sue. And blame the wild rabid plot bunnies.  
>Rated M for no other reason other then titles, and maybe language<br>The credit for this chapter goes solely to Lord Shinta. This is her crew getting in on the Fun. Check out her story's and pay them a visit for even more non stop good times.

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><p>S.H.I.T<p>

Grasping onto the rope Reno bit back a curse as his gloved hands slipped on the slick braided fibers; doing this in the rain was hard enough, doing it with a grease saturated rope in the rain was almost impossible.

"Why did boss man insist on doing this SHIT during the worst storm of the year yo!" there was a giggle next to him as Cissnei effortlessly pulled herself up the rope next to him touching the top and sliding back down. "Get used to this SHIT Reno, there is only going to be more of it until the bi annual inspection."

"Don't fucking remind me yo! It's bad enough having to parade in front of the president when our budget isn't on the line." Managing to pull himself up to the top he slapped the wooden frame before sliding the twenty feet back to the ground.

Cursing loudly as his bare fingers were now rope burned he turned back hearing a gun cocking. "I'm going boss man! Don't shoot!" turning he fled towards the next obstacle where the other Turks were already crawling through the muddy tubes, how the hell was there mud on Astroturf anyway?

"Why the hell isn't Tseng doing this SHIT too?" he growled crawling through the tubes on the SOLDIER training grounds.

"Because he's the boss?" Cissnei said as she pushed herself from the tube taking off for the cargo wall.

"…"

"Yeah exactly what Rude said yo." Reno panted hard doubling over with his hands on his knees trying desperately to catch his breath.

Hearing footsteps in the mud he turned seeing none other than the great Silver General moving up to them umbrella held over his head to keep him dry.

"What are you doing?" his voice was as stoic as always, those acid green eyes watching him. growling slightly Reno pushed himself up, "what does it look like we're doing yo?" pulling his eyes away from the loud mouthed Turk he glanced at the others seeing them running one of his SOLDIERs conditioning course. "Training in the rain it appears."

"We're doing SHIT yo."

Sephiroth slowly blinked those acid green eyes swinging back to look at him. "Excuse me?" Reno huffed his aquamarine eyes glaring at the General, "SHIT.. you know.." he waived a hand trying to explain it, seriously how did the General of the friken army not know what the hell SHIT was? Sometimes he really had to wonder about the man.

"Reno! Better hurry up or Tseng's gonna shoot you in the ass again!" Shotgun called out, she was already on top of the cargo net completely soaked to the bone like the rest of them were. "Besides, I'm wet, I'm cold, and Tseng won't let us go inside till we're all done. I will shoot you myself if you don't hurry up and finish this SHIT!"

"Yeah fuck you too Shotgun!" Reno growled, "I really hate this SHIT yo.." not giving the general a second glance he took off towards the cargo net.

Confused Sephiroth turned to where he knew Tseng was standing just as soaking wet as his men and moved over to him. "What can I do for you General?" he asked when Sephiroth was in hearing range, shaking his head Sephiroth came to stand next to him.

"Your men have a worse mouth on them than mine."

Sliding a glance to the man at his side a very small smile played on the edges of Tseng's lips, so it would seem this was another acronym that Sephiroth didn't know. How did the man manage to make General and not know these simple terms?

"My men are doing SHIT in preparation for the bi annual budget review." It took all he had not to smirk at the confused look that crossed the General's face. "This does not appear to be shit Director.."

"Oh but it is General, excuse me.. I need to make sure Reno completes his SHIT." Giving the General a slight bow he took off at a trot towards his men the whole time chuckling like hell. The General was far to fun to tease at times.

"So the Turks are doing SHIT huh?"

Hearing the puppy just sent the poor Director into another fit of chuckles, nothing like being tag teamed.

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><p>* Note: S.H.I.T - Specialty High Intensity Training<p> 


	5. MRE

Normal disclaimer. Not mine, don't sue. And blame the wild rabid plot bunnies.  
>Rated M for no other reason other then titles, and maybe language<p>

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><p>MRE<p>

ShinRa called it a Mission.

The four men surrounding him called it Survival Training.

The plus one, who made the unstoppable Four into the Fab Five; would have called it camping.

Well, maybe camping with a twist as in no matter how they said it or who called it what, didn't change the fact that he was currently sitting out in the middle of relative nowhere because Three of Gaia's most powerful men-couldn't say no to a pair of Mako blue soldier eyes who belong to non-other than…The Puppy.

Yep, that's right folks. If anyone ever asked him what the General and his Commanders weakness was he'd just tell him ' The Puppy.' And it wasn't just the puppy dog eyes either; Cloud has mastered his own form of it. The Kicked Kitten.

But what did that have to do with him sitting out under the stars miles from any other form of life?

Everything.

And as thankful as he was to get out of Midgar, that wasn't going to save Zack if the raven didn't shut up soon.

" Angeal… "Seriously, he was seconds away from gagging his best friend if the older teen didn't _Shut the Hell Up_!_  
><em>  
>The raven had been whining for the last hour or so while they had made camp-complaining about being hungry. So of course the black commanders answer had been for Zack to move his ass and help set their camp site up so he could get a fire going and get their meal started.<p>

Shooting a look over at a distance he envied both Seph and Genesis. The pair having ditched the hungry Teen by stating they where going to 'secure the area'. Uh, hello… the camp had 5 highly trained Soldiers who could handle anything the flat grasslands could throw that them.

'Securing the area' his northern white ass.

Well to be fair, they had come back with dinner, and he had to admit-Watching Genesis chuck chunks of wood at the General in some mock game of BatBall. Only.. no bat. The General had been using Masamune to slice through the projectiles thrown at him, so would that have made it Swordball?

The blond snorted at his own thoughts, the quickly approaching quiet evening once more broken by Zack.

" Anggeeeeaaal! "

" I told you it would be ready when it was ready. Zack. " The large first looked over the merry red glow of the coals he was using to cook the hunch of meat that had been brought back. " But.. I'm hungry now. "

" Here then. "

Cloud wasn't sure what had been thrown at the other teen, but whatever it was had the raven scrambling back as if someone had just thrown a Touch-Me frog at his feet. And of course in his mad scramble to get away, the teen had tripped over Genesis who'd absorbed himself into his book. Both men going up over end, landing in a heap of limbs on the hard grass.

Cloud didn't even blink at the flash of red that meant Genesis was now tossing small fire balls at the Puppy, said teen running for his life while Angeal went back to cooking and the General who hadn't batted an eye just continued to check his sword over for nicks.

Curious as to what had been thrown at his friend to make him scramble away the blond lent over and saw what seemed to be a very innocent looking bundle. And on a closer look the blond was just able to make out the tiny scrawl printed on it.

Oh.. Salted beef and hash-His favorite.

Glancing around he made sure no one was paying any attention to him before he reached over and snatched the package from the ground and with a small look of glee..ripped the box open upending the contents into his lap.

Rooting through his stolen treasure the blond quickly found the flame-less heater ration-breaking it to allow the powder inside to start heating as he slapped it to the bottom of the large flat tin containing the corned beef and hash.

Moving on he sorted out the rest of his spoils: A tin of thermo-stabilized fruit, pound cake, salt, pepper, a fork to eat it with. Some thin wafer like crackers, jelly; a small chocolate bar… and…juice.

Perfect.

So wrapped up in his spoiled the young blond failed to notice when the ruck died down, of Zack returning alongside Genesis. A little singed, but no worse for his run. Completely oblivious to four sets of horrified eyes that watched him with open glee pop the lid of the tin holding the beef and hash.

It wasn't until he'd stuck the first fork full in his mouth in delight had a gagging sound made him blink and look up-right into four slight green tinged expressions.

" Uh..Spike..what are you…doing?"

The blond looked down at the open tin of food in his lap, and then back at the older teen with a clear silent look of ' what does it look like I'm doing.' " I'm…having a snack? "

The looks of disbelief and green tinged horror never left, and the blond thinking he'd done something wrong began to fidget. " Um, sorry if I wasn't supposed to eat it. But I didn't think Zack wanted it by the way he'd run from it. And it's not like this is enough to fill me up, it wont spoil my appetite. "

" Cloud, it is not a question of if it will spoil your appetite, it's more a question of why are you…eating it..? Cloud looked towards the Black Commander now more then puzzled, If he hadn't meant for it to be eaten why had he thrown it at Zack to begin with?

" Do you even know what it is. " Cloud once more tilted his head at the Red commander. Of all the questions to ask.. " Yah it's…Corned Beef with Hash.."

" It's.. an MRE!."

" Uh, yah so…" The blond had eaten plenty of these while on missions during his time as both recruit and Cadet. Gaia he'd practically lived on them until he'd made 3rd.

" It's and MRE CLOUD.. a MRE.. You don't EVER EAT A MRE.. It's like.. cruel and unusual punishment.."

" Don't over exaggerate Zack. "

" No I think, I really do have to agree with the puppy on this one Cloud. Those are cruel and unusual punishment. " Zack beamed towards the older man who supported his claim. " Thanks Gen.."

" I still don't see what the big deal is.."

" Cloud, do you know what MRE stands for?" The blond looked towards the mellow smooth sounding voice not surprised to find Sephiroth still eying his tin of hash like he wanted to kill it.

" Meals…ready to eat..?" by the four voices that joined together in a single long drawn out groan of exasperation the blond could only continue to look at his Friend, his two commanders and his lover in confusions.

What exactly was so bad about MRE's?

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><p>*Note: MRE= Meals Rejected by the Enemy.<br>Reviews are welcomed and will be made in Muse kibble for following chapters.


	6. BITCH

Normal disclaimer. Not mine, don't sue. And blame the wild rabid plot bunnies.  
>Rated M for no other reason other than titles, and maybe language<p>

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><p>BITCH<p>

It was Friday night and that meant it was the weekly_: end-of-the-week-open-tab-BBF-Soldier-rant-fest. _Or as Zack would call it the; one night a week he blew off every one and hung out with his best friend and got caught up on everything they'd missed night.

Most of the time it was about the same stuff, which recruits were likely to make the cut, which would have to serve a term in the Regs before reapplying the following spring for SOLDIER cadet placement. Other times, it was who was dating who, who broke up, who was single, or on the rebound, which couples were cheating who was holding true.

Others it was troop deployments, which Seconds and Thirds had been sent where, what the Science Department was up to, who was up for promotions or demotions. Which companies had been sent out and who wasn't coming home again.

The normal every day shit that tended to get lost in the hurried busy life ShinRa liked to keep their First's on. They didn't get paid to sit at a desk and shuffle paperwork after all- Well maybe the General did…but every other First was expected to do their paperwork, mission briefs and so on as a part of their ' mission ' So.. no extra pay for that.

Bummer.

" Yah know. Aerith is a real BITCH. "

Kunsel, who'd been about to swallow his last pull of his Midgar Red-choked. After hacking up his beer from his lungs he gave his long-time friend a wide and shocked look. He'd been privy to just about every romantic love sappy.. gag-me sugary sweetness his friend had done for his girlfriend, but never once had he EVER heard Zack address her as.. a bitch.

" What?"

Unfocused, but mirthful blue purple eyes looked back at him, and the Second knew his friend was feeling the beer. They'd only been here at the bar chugging straight grain homebrew for five hours. " Oh come on you know what I mean. She's just…. Wow.. such a BITCH. "

The first continued his little spill, unaware he was being looked at like he'd just said the General was on a rampage and decided to summon a huge ass rock to crush Midgar.. yah like that would ever happen.

" What, makes you say that?" Scarlet was a bitch, female Turks were bitches… Zack sweeter than sugar and kinder then a saint girlfriend did NOT fit the bitch profile in the seconds mind.

" Well I mean.. she's perfect. Never gets mad at me, doesn't ask a lot of questions. Makes me apple pie and feeds me cookies. Loves flowers, helps the kids out in sector 5…She's wicked clever, sharp as a tack and deadly with a frying pan. Don't even get me started on how good she is with a staff and Materia.."

Now so thoroughly confused the brown haired Second could only gape at his drunken friend. Everything Zack had said was so…the little sweet flower girl he'd introduced to him to that he still couldn't see why Zack was calling her such.

" And, all those good quality's. Make her.. a bitch?"

" Yep! Best dam BITCH ever. "

Kunsel felt like he'd never understand his friend, If he thought of Aerith as a bitch.. he'd hate to see what he thought a real Bitch was.

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><p>*Note: BITCH- Babe, In Total Control of Herself.<p>

Review welcome, and will go to making Muse kibble for more chapters.  
>Sorry not as long as some of the others, but that's just how it went. Also if you've made it this far then you know this wasn't an Aerith bashing.<p> 


	7. FEAR

Disclaimers: Not Mine. I swear. Because if it was.. we'd have had a whole lot more smut!  
>To every reviewer and follower who commented and told me these little rambles made them laugh when they needed one.<p>

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><p>F.E.A.R<p>

There were a few things in Kunsel's life he could honestly say he was afraid of. Spiders, Touch-me-Frogs, little blonds on the war path. But he couldn't say that he feared anything.

Ok well that wasn't true.

There was that one time he'd learn the true meaning of the word FEAR. And it had started off like any other day at any other time of the week. He'd been walking along see, minding his own business when he'd noticed a small black speck of movement coming straight for his location and growing bigger by the second.

Pausing to wonder just what it could be, he would later tell himself he shouldn't have been as surprised by it as he was. And what was the black speck coming at him light a freight train?

Zack.

And not just Zack as he stood by and watched his best friend fly by him without so much as slowing down, the look of utter terror written across his face. Well that was a new one. Oh not the running by as if his life depended on it, but the look across his face.

It was the sort of look he'd expect someone being told they had a play date with Mad Professor Creepy at 1, and you were already late at Noon!

Lifting a hand up to scratch at his temple, he'd been just about to shake his head and dismiss the whole thing when a second sound of pounding feet alerted him someone was following Zack. Turning to look he was just again as stunned to see the little blond Third coming at him.

What in Gaias name… was the Blond running from, or was he chasing?

Nope.. running. Defiantly running, if the mirrored look of terror across the blonds face meant anything. Expecting the blond to run past him as Zack had, he wasn't expecting the sudden tackle as the blond latched onto him, and then climb up his uniform until the shorter male could look him in the eyes.

" It's.. FEAR Kunsel.. FEAR!" And then like that, the Blond sprang away from him before tearing off in the same direction Zack had gone. More puzzled than ever, h shook it off and shrugged before turning back to continuing on his way towards the

It would only be later and after several rounds of Midgar Red Beer that he'd ever finish the story. And looking back on it now he should have heeded the blonds words and run. But such is hind-sight.

What happened you say?

Well of course you'd want to know. Who wouldn't?

And just what was the true meaning of Fear that Kunsel had learnt that very faithful day? To avoid the company pool, on the third Friday of every month. And why? Because that's when every male board member of ShinRa…went swimming.

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><p>AN: F.E.A.R- Fuck Everything And Run.  
>* Sorry this one probably wasn't as funny as some of the others. But I'm trying to get back into the swing of writing them.<p> 


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